Saturday, January 9, 2010

没有你陪伴的夜晚,我总觉得很孤单。

没有你陪伴的夜晚,我总觉得很孤单。
这一次我是真的受伤了。
I post this in my blog is not want to get pity from anyone who read this just that i really don know how to express my feeling at this moment.

29-01-05
If you are CLB student then you will know every year at the beginning of the year we have to paint our class. In my 5 years of time in CLB i never notice you but today when I first see you I have already falling in love with you so call that one sight love.

30-01-05
I get your messenger from one of my friend. We start to know each other in MSN. Today we chat whole day in msn and i am starting to court you. In the conversation I manage to get your mobile number, you tell me that you will absent to school on the next day so I plan to bring my handphone to school so that I can keep continue message with you.

31-01-05
Today in school I non-stop messaging with you and at this moment I more sure that I really love you. Then I get your house phone number. ( call to house is more cheaper compare to call to handphone :P)

01-02-05
We spend half of the day chatting on phone at this moment I tell you that I LOVE YOU. You don believe in me cause of my appearance always tell people that I am not serious.

03-02-05
You suddenly send me a message. You ask me to stop playing you now at least we still can be friend. I am sure that I am not playing so I try to convince you. I put our relationship on bet. Match between Manutd my favorite team against Arsenal The Gunners. (Funny)

04-02-05
Thanks that manutd had beat arsenal so that you are force to be with me already hehe....
And our love story begin....

In between this 58 months we spend together there are a lot of things that happen but luckily we can face every problem and still together. But too bad today when I am writing this blog we had already break up for 15 days.

In the year 2005 there are I had lose some of my buddies but luckily some of them are back. Maybe that time you are still young you are not that serious in our relationship yet. At that time due to some issue we break up for 1 month but we get back together after that with more love.
You starting to get more serious with me and we got a good memory in secondary school. Too bad that our relationship cannot tell anyone which i hate the most hehe.... You very less take photo with me at this year can say that only 1 or 2 photos, you say that you are not pretty enough to take photo but to me pretty or not is not that important I just want to be with you. But hope you still remember we got cute photo which you are wearing the mickey shirt which your dad bought for you.

Year 2006 I start to work at billion as a promoter after my SPM result so sad that din take you go for any graduation trip. I was so 'lucky' to get select to National Service. This is our first challenge at that time. We have to separate and can't see each other for a long time. While in NS everyday the most activity I enjoy is calling you. Like what we see in drama no matter rain or sunny day I will go under the hot sun and heavy rain just to make a call to you. At the same time you are preparing to start your college life, I am so worry about you, I am so scare you meet someone else who are better than me. Everyday I write down what happen in NS and how much I miss you in a diary and plan to present to you when I finish training. Finally I finish my training early but I have to go KL to study. We have to separate in 2 different place again sound so sad.
After I go to KL luckily our love is strong enough and thanks for believing in me. Still remember this year your birthday present? I think is the most romantic I do for you. Because I love you I just want to see you happy always. But at the end of this year we got a lot of problem and argument.

Year 2007 I am turning to evil. Keep on flirt and clubbing which make you worry me a lot so sorry about that my dear. You are always part of me and I just want to tell you I love you more than myself. I think I am really lucky to have you as my girl friend cause you never give me up no matter how bad I am. While I am turning bad you are turning better and better, you try to accept everything I want you to accept. I cant even believe what I have done in this year. I told you that I had fall in love with another one which hurt you so much. but please believe in me I am not that kind of 1 leg 2 boats guy I make a very stupid decision which I don want both of you.
I want to say thank you my dear for your forgiveness and give me 1 more chance to couple bakc with you.
This year your birthday romantic rating have decrease hope you don mind about that but hope you still remember that we play fire crackers and putting the balloon together but I still don know what you wish you wrote on the balloon.

Year 2008 our third years of long distance relationship. I am trying my very hard to be your good boyfriend but still not good enough. But at this year I think is your worst nightmare. I start my internship and my part time job at the same time. I got no enough time for you and even myself. At that moment there are a lot of things in my mind, I always make you sad, cry and worry. To me what is girlfriend? Girlfriend is someone for you to love, care about and make her happy not that make her cry, argue everyday, no time to care about. So at this time I start thinking to break up with you cause I cant bring you happiness, cant always by your side, always tire and no time for you & I start to smoke at this year what you hate the most.
There is another issue that cause us to break up this time, our religion view are different. I know your family cannot accept that I am not a christian although you never mention about that. So I am thinking is time for someone to be a bad guy to put a stop in our relationship.
This year I never celebrate your birthday for you and I am so regret about that. You some more bought me an expensive watch and give me our love album which handmade by you. So sorry that I am so evil.
After 1 month of breaking up I am very suffering everyday, I try to avoid everything of you just want to forget you but I just cant stop thinking of you day and night. I regret and I ask for a chance to couple back with you, thanks again for giving me another chance.

Year 2009 Most happy year and sad year. In this year we are really getting love and love each other. I start my carrier in KL thank for keep on supporting me all the time and I will always remember 'I am turning from a rock to diamond'. Although I am not as romantic as before but I am very to tell you I love you more and more. This year we never quarrel and always spend time together so happily. You never complaint anything about me and i always feel so sweet to be with you. October is my happiest moment, celebrating your birthday with you and you come to KL to find me (Please keep your birthday card always with you cause I really spend time to write all those thing and all those thing are from my true heart). At that moment I very sure that you are the gal that I want to spend my life with. I cant wait to marry you already if I have the money. And the most suffer month for me is December. This December I go to Sabah 9 days. I have attend my friend's wedding dinner and at the time in my mind I only thinking about how our wedding should be and keep on imagine our wedding. In everyplace I go at Sabah I just thinking of how wonderful if you are by my side.
When I go to Rasa Ria Hotel there is 1 thing in my mind only, I want to bring you here and spend get romantic here hopefully at the next year. I keep on telling my friend that I want to bring you there. I bought key chain for everyone as a souvenir same as you. But you say all also I buy key chain then yours not special already. As you know you are always special for me if that thing is not special enough how dare I buy it for you?
When I am in Sabah I feel that there is something wrong with you already but I just though you just too miss me only.
When I come back from Sabah I though everything will be ok but you seem got a lot of thing keeping in your heart.
Our long term problem begin, our religion view is different but to me this is not a big issue. Me & my family can accept everything of you but your family & you.......
We finally discuss about this problem and I ask you to discuss with your family too. I though everything will be alright after you discuss with your family.
After not more than 100 hours everything had change. Is SHOCK!!! Really very very SHOCK when I got your message at night cause in the afternoon you somemore boost me up with your message.
I really cant accept it in a short while but I wont blame you cause I know you are under a lot of pressure too..... But 1 thing I still cannot accept at this moment is you make me feel that you love JESUS more than me. You din even give me a chance to convince your family then you just terminate me like this.

My religion point (really sorry if my words offense anyone here)
Why must christian? Religion is something that you believe in. I never disturb you in this or stopping you in this. Your religion and my religion all are teaching only the good things.
Why I must be a christian only you can accept but why not we both just believe in our own religion?
I just feel that is so ridiculous. Why? Anyone can answer me why?
Just don want to talk so much here cause I don want to make you hate me or anyone else here hate me.
I wont blame you cause I know you are under pressure, everyone got their own view point but I really cant accept that you love Jesus more than me or more than yourself.

After we break I really hope that we still have the chance to couple back. Finally I send a message to you last night. But from what you reply then I know I got not as lucky as last time to have this chance again and what is the only solution to couple back with you. Sorry that I cannot have the same religion with you. Maybe at the same time you are thinking the same, why I just cannot join you since I already say that I just a religion. Is sad that I cant make it and is so hard for me to make it. What I can say that is really what a waste that I cant spend all my life with you but only 58 months.

To Sherrine,
You are really such my good girlfriend and I am so scare that I cannot find anyone else like you anymore. My heart is really hurt cause I really need you in my life what I just have to accept it that I had already lose you.
Just want to tell you I will never regret to be with you and just give me sometime to forget our past.
There are 2 things I regret is that I never buy you flower and ring cause you know how much 2 things mean to me.

I love you and miss you always.

4 comments:

  1. hey man, u touch me.. you know what? many in-perfection complete your life.. she will know you... good luck man...

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  2. Hey dude, i was felt so guilty after i read through all ur post and i realized that actually i was not so concerned abt u when u r involved in this matter! SO SORRY! I would hope that u'll get through all this and forget the past and welcome the new chapter. As this is d a reality, u will jz hv to accept it. I hope u will be happy and not to think so much. I know it's tough, but i believe u r strong enuf to face it! U made me feel that U'RE A PERFECT MAN in this particular momoent! I'm proud to be one of ur frd! CHeer up dude! this is the oni words i can say and console u! =)

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  3. wah so shock to read these comments... especially by herk....
    10ss ya dude.... i wil be ok no worry....

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